WW125 😫 Are you suffering from someone else's pain?
Hello dear reader!
How are you? Have you settled into the autumn routine? Or do you feel like you have too many problems to solve?
Did you know that almost all of my clients struggling with burnout have difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries? You've probably heard countless preachings about the importance of setting boundaries, but many of us aren't exactly sure what that means.
In my burnout prevention group, this topic takes up an entire session, and every time, I hear the participants have a eureka moment when they truly understand the concept.
I recently finished watching the second season of the wonderful series "Reservation Dogs" which was nurtured by Taika Waititi. In the penultimate episode, it beautifully portrays what it's like to love someone deeply, do everything to help them, yet still be unable to.
One of our story's protagonists (my personal favorite, Willie Jack) is a wandering teenager from an Oklahoma Native American reservation going through a crisis as the once tight-knit group of friends falls apart.
The avalanche of events began with the suicide of the leader of the "rez dogs" gang a year before, and at this point in the story, the once inseparable youngsters hardly speak to each other.
Willie Jack, seeking her own spiritual connection and ancient magic, visits the mother of their deceased friend in prison to ask for help in connecting to the intergenerational wisdom so she can reunite the group of friends.
The grieving mother, reluctant but prodded by the friendly spirit of her late son, eventually shares a secret with the girl.
She says a prayer for him, then shares the painful lesson of her son's loss:
“I spent a lot of energy trying to fix Danny. Instead I took on his pain. and we shared it. you can’t love someone out of hurting themselves, though. I was so focused on Danny. so focused on myself that i couldn’t see: you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. I learned that the hard way.”
This is a great example of what happens when we set porous boundaries. When we delude ourselves into thinking we can solve someone else's problems, we fail to distinguish between ourselves and the outside world. We don't establish limits that protect us from consequences over which we have no control.
This behavior is extremely taxing on us, and disappointment is almost guaranteed at the end of the story. It's incredibly difficult to watch someone we love suffer, but it's futile to take on their suffering.
The most we can do for our loved ones and ourselves is to physically and emotionally distance ourselves from the events, ensuring our own stability.
This way, we can extend a helping hand when the other person genuinely starts to change and take steps toward a better life.
Watch "Reservation Dogs" on Disney+ because it's not just drama and a bleak life, but it's also filled with love, humor, and beauty.
Podcast
NEW EPISODE on the HAC channel: "First Day at a New Job: 'This is How You Do It' - Shared Service Center (SSC) Edition."
Have you always been curious about what it's like to work in a multinational company in Hungary? What can you expect on your first day?
I'll tell you all about it. Get ready for a brutally honest report!
Do you have your own experiences? How do you feel about your SSC job? What's true and what would you dispute? Write to me and, of course, share this episode with your colleagues!
Should you quit at the peak?
An interesting article came out in Quartz about two returning elite athletes, Naomi Osaka and Simone Biles. They both quit their sports careers at the height of their success in 2021, all for the sake of their mental health.
Both cases prove that a longer break doesn't automatically mean the end of a career, but it can be a great opportunity for a fresh start. The time spent away and resetting boundaries helped them find joy and strength in sports again.
The gymnastics champion says she wouldn't change her decision: "I wouldn't change a thing. Everything happens for a reason. I've learned a lot about myself, become braver, more resilient; I've learned to say no and stand up for myself."
I know that many of us can't afford to quit our jobs for mental health reasons, but there are situations when it's the best solution for our mental well-being. The stories of these two athletes are evidence that a break doesn't necessarily mean the end of our careers; in fact...
That's all for today; don't forget you can sign up for the last group until 10 PM tonight.
Thank you for your attention.
Best regards,
András